


A Timid Heart

by VividDayDreamer



Series: Prompts and Challenges (Supergirl 2015) [37]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AgentCorp, Break Up, Don't copy to another site, F/F, Fictober 2019, Heavy Angst, New Year's Eve, Tumblr Prompt, prompt 31
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22053715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividDayDreamer/pseuds/VividDayDreamer
Summary: Alex and Lena were once a happy couple, who very much enjoyed each other's company.  However, insecurities had prevented Lena from taking their relationship further, which eventually led to their break-up.  Now, as the year winds down into the next, Lena finds herself reminiscing about the person she misses most, and eventually the truth leaks out.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Prompts and Challenges (Supergirl 2015) [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1356811
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	A Timid Heart

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> Challenge Details: 
>   * Challenge Name: [Fictober 2019](https://fictober-event.tumblr.com)
>   * Relationship: AgentCorp
>   * Prompt: "Scared, me?"
> 

> 
>   
> **Note** : Ending this year with angst. I had to.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
>   
> 
> 
> **Prompt me if you'd like to play! You can find my prompts and rules on my[Tumblr](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/).**   
> 

  


The sound of shrieks, giggles, ghastly moans and eerie creaking noises echoed from within, as Lena stood by the gates of the old, abandoned mansion.

  


"Lee?" Alex asked, more out of concern than curiousness. She walked up to Lena, tickets in hand. "Are you ready?"

  


Lena's eyes looked up towards the dark building that had nothing but glowing purple lights, seen through the slats of boarded up windows; the one thing that gave away the "fakeness" of it all. Alex had insisted on going to this particular haunted house. The authenticity of using a truly abandoned building, renovated only barely to meet safety standards—which allowed for its use every Halloween—gave the allure to many who sought a true thrill.

  


"Lena? You're not scared are you?"

"Scared, me?" she scoffed, brushing off the sudden coiling in her stomach. "I've dealt with much more frightening things since working at the DEO with you."

  


Even though Lena said it with such bravado, Alex knew Lena. She picked up on the slight shake of her voice, the hesitation in her answer, and the downward shift of her eyes to the tickets in Alex's hands.

  


"We don't have to do this, you know. We can just go back and—"

"Alex, we're going."

  


Lena snatched the tickets out of Alex's hand and marched forward, only stopping at the entry to wait for Alex to catch up.

  


"Lee," Alex said, her voice calm and assuring. "Hold on."

  


She reached for her pocket and pulled out two foil packages. She ripped one open to reveal a lengthy plastic stick, which she cracked by bending it in half, causing it to illuminate into eye-catching bright green.

  


"Give me your wrist," she smiled. Lena did as asked.

"Glowsticks? What for?"

  


Alex formed the bracelet around Lena's wrist, making sure the ends met fully into the attached housing to hold it together in place. She then repeated the same procedure, revealing a bright blue one that she wore on her own.

  


"I know it gets dark in there. And, it's huge. There may be kids running around, and somehow we might get separated and I don't want you to panic. Just look for me with this," Alex said, lifting up her wrist. "I'll find you with yours."

"Alex, I don't need this. I'll be fine," Lena insisted.

"Then do it for me? I'd hate to lose my date in there. What kind of knight would I be if I didn't protect my lady from the ghastly creatures that lurked inside?" Alex teased, hoping to misdirect the attention of Lena's apprehension on herself instead.

  


Lena smiled and rolled her eyes. She continued on with the charade, allowing Alex to feel comforted by the pre-planned gesture, but she recognized that Alex's efforts did in fact, calm her down. She couldn't quite pinpoint what made her so fearful about participating in this event. She logically knew that everything that happened in that house was fabricated, but something about the darkness, the unknown, the idea of heightened senses attempting to react in a flight or fight response, unnerved her. Truly, she only was attending for Alex's sake. Alex had been going on and on about this event for months and it was something she looked forward to attending every year. Lena couldn't turn her down. Especially not when she had been cancelling all of Alex's other date plans. Some had been purposeful, but Alex didn't know that, she was left to believe Lena's excuse about tending to daunting responsibilities over at L-Corp.

  


"Alright, let's do this! The Luthor-Danvers duo won't be stopped!" she joked as she reached for Lena's hand.

"The Luthor-Danvers duo, eh?"

"Well, when I used to be able to con Kara into going, we'd bolster up her courage by announcing 'The Danvers duo!' I guess I was just conforming to old habits," she shrugged.

"Are you sure you're not the one frightened, darling? Announcing us to bolster up _your_ courage?" Lena teased, quirking a brow.

"Hmm...can't hurt, right?" she smirked.

  


It wasn't said, but Lena had an inkling that Alex was playing to her game, allowing her to 'save face' by pretending everything Alex did was for herself, and not for her. It warmed her heart to believe that. And really, the icing on the cake was Alex calling out their surnames as one. Something about the ring of those words gave Lena the boost she needed to continue forward, despite her fears. She slipped her hand out of Alex's and instead, hooked her arm around the crook of Alex's elbow and leaned into her tightly. She knew that with Alex by her side, she'd make it through. Alex never failed to be there for her. Ever.  


  


* * *

  


Lena leaned over the balcony of her condo, overlooking the city with a glass of scotch in her hand. The city was bright, same as it always was; quiet from where she stood. Except she knew that the city at this hour was far from quiet. It was New Year's Eve.

The chilly December air seeped in through the fabric of the black hoodie she'd been wearing. And though the hood covered her head and its heavy-weight cotton usually kept her warm, it was no match for the occasional gusts that swept by that evening. It was much too cold.

She padded her way back inside, dropping herself onto her leather sofa. The gas fireplace was on, causing delicate shadows to dance around the dimly lit room. She pulled her knees inward, allowing her to sit on her legs. Drink in hand, she zeroed in on the colorful flames that burned brightly. It was still too quiet. And still too cold.

Inadvertently, she found that she'd taken her left hand and started slowly rubbing up and down her right bicep; a meek attempt at generating more heat. Or was it? The familiar fabric under her fingers, the softness of the cotton underneath pressing against her skin, it was all too reminiscent. Of Alex.

It was Alex's hoodie. The same hoodie that was lent to her that night back in October, after the haunted house outing. They both had made it through without losing one another, but Lena was slightly rattled. The craftsmanship of the ghouls and creatures that lurked inside, the gore and dismemberment, the evil and frightening looks upon their faces, jarred Lena more than she'd expected. The accompanying sound effects, the authenticity of the mansion, the startling jumps scare tactics, all played to Lena's heightened senses. Alex found that out quickly, and used her body to press against Lena to reassure her that she was there for her, to protect her, and keep her sane. Those strong arms, the warmth that radiated off her, slowly brought Lena back to her senses. When they'd gotten back to Alex's apartment, Alex had turned on the fireplace, made them hot cocoa, and insisted that Lena wear the FBI hoodie she'd been wearing that night. It all embodied everything Lena needed at then: security, warmth, care.

Unfortunately, as time went on, Lena's continued cancellation of plans and avoidance to spend time with Alex had gotten to a point of contention. An argument had broken out where Alex fought to understand why Lena was pushing her away, accusing Lena of loving her work more than her. And it was true, Lena _was_ married to her work, but it wasn't as inflexible as she had made it out to be. Truth was, she feared love. She feared being that close, having that bond to someone that seemingly cared for her. Her heart had been broken many times before. She was afraid of attachment. Dependency. She wondered what made Alex so different, that she would sacrifice her own emotional well-being on something so fleeting and temporary as love again.

Lena understood clearly what that emotion had done to her time and time again. It destroyed her faith in people, made her feel gullible and alone, wrecking her confidence and motivation for periods of time, dragging her into the depths where she was kept in solitude, wallowing in tears and alcohol. It happened too many times. 

So, she stood by her excuse. Work. Because it was true. She was the CEO of L-Corp. A prominent figure who could not afford the luxuries of love, one where a single misunderstanding could self-destruct into a more impactful result. She couldn't afford to be that way again. Not now. No. Lena Kieran Luthor was smarter than this. Little boxes. There was no room for love. There was no room for heartache and disappointment. Experience taught her well. And if there was one thing the Luthors capitalized on, it was experience.

That was how it happened to be, that Lena was now with the company of nothing but a roaring fire and familiar amber liquid, both of which provided her a superficial version of warmth. With several refills already coursing through her veins, she sat alone in her living room, in Alex's hoodie. It was desolate. Quiet. Yet somehow, she still remained too cold to eliminate the chill from her bones.

Thinking back, it was inevitable that it would only take a certain number of arguments which struck that same topic over and over again, that Alex would reach her breaking point. It wasn't that Alex gave up because Lena wouldn't admit her feelings or would provide any further reasoning for her actions. Alex gave up because her heart couldn't take the rejection any longer. Alex poured everything into their relationship. She gave her her world. And yet, Lena refused to stay by her side and reciprocate her feelings. So came December, Alex suggested they break up. Lena accepted, without argument.

And though she kept her face stern when she agreed, her lips trembled and her eyes misted over. She swallowed hard and held her breath to contain the sadness she was feeling. She nearly broke when Alex started to weep. It was heart wrenching to watch. Alex too, tried to contain the outpour of emotions, but she wasn't that strong. Her love for Lena, the rejection, the acceptance of their time together being over, wrecked her.

Director Danvers. Down.

Lena remembered Alex gasping between sobs. It was a moment that felt like an eternity, as she watched Alex crumbling, sniffling, letting out shuddering breaths with reddened eyes, and overflowing tears. Those brown eyes she loved to look into, now were wrought with despair. She looked into them now, feeling like Alex was pleading with her soul for one last attempt at righting this. They were inches apart and Lena struggled to retain control of her own feelings.

  


_Little boxes..._

  


Eventually, Alex realized that her efforts were futile, as were the numerous confrontations prior to that evening. Alex dropped her gaze, and opted to reach her hands to clasp onto both of Lena's.

  


_"It doesn't have to be this way..."_

  


Lena remembered Alex's fragile voice, whispering those words under her breath as she brought up Lena's hands to her mouth, gently kissing her knuckles.

  


_"Alex..."_

  


She remembered hesitating. She remembered how her chest tightened, how her throat seemed to want to choke off her words and prevent her from continuing. But she fought against it, finding bigger, stronger boxes to contain those treacherous feelings.

  


_"You should go..."_

  


And Alex did. Eventually. Lena's words froze her movements. They were cold and definite, and cut through the air. It was as if hearing them, the finality of it all, severed Alex from everything she held dear. So she left. Destroyed. And when the latch of her door clicked into place, Lena crumbled. She allowed herself one night to fall apart, and kept herself focused on a new day ahead, priding herself in allowing things to end before she found herself in too deep.

Weeks later, the wound was still there. She could never forget Alex. They've made sure to keep distance between them, but Lena knew she'd never forget. A healthy scab had formed, and though she no longer wept or felt helpless, she continued to feel the emptiness in her life. Work served as a good distraction, and she took on even more projects—some that weren't even slated to begin until the new year—just to keep her mind occupied. But at times like this, alone in her home, her mind unable to quiet down enough to sleep, Lena felt the loneliness.

All the talk of the New Year celebrations didn't help to mask it either. Hearing everyone's plans to share a kiss with their loved one, or celebrate the night away in each other's arms, proved to be annoying pricks to her heart. Confining herself to her condo was her best bet. Away from people, away from the sights and sounds, away from the reminder that there was cause to celebrate. To Lena, she wanted it to just be another day. To go to sleep, wake up and fall into the same routine she's come to have for so long.

She downed the rest of her drink and shut her eyes tight, as the liquid burned down her throat. Tomorrow will come soon enough.

It was ten minutes to midnight when Lena made her way into her room.

She crawled into bed, working her hoodie covered head into the pillows to conform to what she needed to cradle her, to comfort her. She bunched the comforter around her body, creating a type of barrier around herself. She felt contained.

She curled up slightly, crossing her arms across her chest, further letting herself snuggle up into the nest she'd made. The base layer kept her the warmest. Alex's hoodie. 

  


_10... 9... 8... 7..._

  


Lena closed her eyes, finding it easy to fall sleep to the fragile words that somehow fell out of her mouth.

  


"This is for the best, love. I know it is..."

  


_6... 5... 4... 3... 2..._

  


She was barely conscious then, not realizing that she had, in that one moment of vulnerability, allowed her subconscious to utter her truest feelings. Love. Love for Alex.

  


_1..._

  


Lena slept through the new year, missing the bombardment of New Year's greetings from Sam, Ruby, Kara, and unsurprisingly, Alex.

  


_[12:00 am] Al: Wishing you all the happiness in the coming new year. Wish you were here..._

  



End file.
